For many people, your spouse just wasn’t your husband or wife, and they were also your best friend. Even if you haven’t felt that friendship in a long time, a divorce can make the ending of that relationship feel final. That deep feeling of loneliness is enough to put most people in a very dark place. Many people find something to fill that empty feeling: dating new people, food, drinking, exercise. But what if the answer to feeling better is already within you? You can be your new best friend.
I know it sounds cliché, cheesy, a bit too ‘therapy’ for a lot of people, but it doesn’t make it any less true. You are the only person who can unconditionally love you forever. Having a good relationship with yourself is not only the best way to start to move forward, but it is necessary to heal and eventually open your heart again to others. You can’t give away what you don’t have within yourself. You can’t love someone else without having love for yourself.
So how do you do it? How do you begin to be your own best friend? The process, like any friendship, takes time. Here are a few great ways to start loving yourself again.
Positive self talk. Don’t be mean to yourself. If you wouldn’t say something aloud to someone else, you shouldn’t be saying it to yourself. This can take practice. Start by writing one positive affirmation each morning. Compliment yourself in the mirror, even if you aren’t feeling your best. Get in the habit of being kind to yourself.
Get healthy inside and out. Make good food choices. Get outside and exercise. Eating the right food to fuel yourself will make you feel better. It is scientifically proven that exercising, even a short walk outside, can reduce stress and lift your mood.
Take yourself on dates. It can be so easy to isolate yourself during a divorce. That is the worst thing you can do. Get out with yourself. Take yourself out to a movie, to dinner, enjoy a day doing everything you like to do.
Wear clothing that makes you feel good. Get out of your pajamas, take a shower, and put on clothing that makes you feel confident. It doesn’t matter if you are staying home all day. You deserve to look and feel good for YOU.
Once you feel better about yourself, then you can begin reaching out and making connections with others.
Are you thinking about divorce or in the midst of it? Need to talk to a San Diego divorce mediator? Call (858) 736-2411 today to schedule a FREE consultation at San Diego Family Mediation Center.