When people go through a difficult time like a divorce, they expect that their friends will be there to support them with open arms. Unfortunately, there is a strange phenomenon that tends to happen. Many people who you thought would be by your side during the worst times tend to split. While some of this may be due to “choosing sides” between you and your spouse, many friends disappear from the picture entirely. Why is this?
The Stress Effect
No one likes stress or real-life difficult situations. The majority of us try to avoid confrontation whenever possible. Some people simply can’t handle being around others who are facing real difficulties. They wish to block out reality as much as possible, and at the moment, your divorce is too real for them. Of course, this isn’t to be generalized across all friends. There are many people who jump in to support their friends during a split, but many find the stress effect is all-too-real.
Don’t Know What to Say
When someone is having a very hard time with a difficult life circumstance, the last thing people want to do is say the wrong thing. So often, they say nothing at all. They don’t realize that the silent treatment can be way worse than anything they could possibly say. To prevent this from happening, assure your friends that they can talk candidly and you just want their company. Typically, this puts most people at ease and they will feel more comfortable.
Accept the Change
Sometimes you just have to accept that you may lose some friends during this big transition in your life. This is a new state of being and you have a new identity. It is ok that things are different and should be expected. Take some time to grieve that change and then get out there and make some new friends to have fun with!
Contact West Coast Family Mediation Center for guidance in transforming relationships for a brighter future.