How to Get a Prenuptial Agreement in San Diego (When Your Fiancé is Hesitant)

If you are interested in getting a prenuptial agreement in San Diego (also known as a premarital agreement or prenup, for short), you will need to make sure that both you and your fiancé are on the same page for moving forward.

How To Start the Prenup Process 

It can certainly feel like a daunting conversation to have especially if you think that your fiancé might be hesitant about getting one, so I wanted to share some things to consider in starting the conversation with them.

a couple thinking about a prenup in san diego as they gaze at the skyline across the bay

Start Early

It’s very important to start the conversation as early as possible so that you don’t end up pressed for time or feeling rushed to get it done. You never want them to feel pressured into agreeing to something that they didn’t want. In California, you need to make sure that any premarital agreement is entered voluntarily and is free of duress or undue influence.

Choose the Right Time & Place

It’s a good idea to find a quiet, private time when both of you are relaxed and not distracted. You should ideally make sure that this is a conversation without any time pressures that would make you feel rushed or not allow you both to adequately share your feelings and be heard.

You may also need to be patient and understand that first conversation will probably not be the only conversation you have to have around getting a prenuptial agreement in San Diego.

Express Feelings & Concerns Openly

Even though talking about a prenup may feel like the opposite of love and commitment for some people, I think the opposite. I think that discussing a premarital agreement it’s important to express your love and commitment for the other person.

Through this discussion, they eventually understand that this isn’t just about doubt or mistrust but rather about planning for and protecting both of your futures, and making sure that you enter the marriage with the strongest possible foundation.

Emphasize the Positive Aspects for Both of You

By making sure the emphasize the positive aspects for how it can protect both parties and not just you as the one asking for it can help you shift the conversation as a mutual safeguard and not a sign of distrust.

There are many positive aspects to getting a prenuptial agreement in San Diego, such as:

  • establishing a strong foundation of communication for your marriage,
  • making sure that you are both going into the marriage with a full understanding of the others financial situation, and
  • having these discussion at a point where you get along – which is not likely to be the case if you were to get divorced.

Listen to their Perspective, Acknowledge their Concerns

Really the most important thing that you can do is to make sure that you are listening to them and you give them the space to express their feelings and concerns about a prenuptial agreement.

Even if you don’t agree with what they’re saying, it’s so important to listen actively and not just shoot down their concerns. Acknowledge that you understand that they’re hesitant to do this. Some of that hesitation may come from the negative connotation that the word “prenup” might have for them, because of what they’ve seen in the media, or even heard from family and friends.

Seek Professional Advice

As a mediator and attorney, I see what happens on the flip side if parties get divorced and all the things that can go wrong and the difficult conversations they try to have when they are at the point of not agreeing with (and often really hating) the other person.

Seeking out professional advice to help with the prenuptial agreement can help, especially someone like me who is a qualified mediator. A neutral third party can provide unbiased information and help both of you understand the implications, process and reach agreements that feel good to both of you can make the process go so much more smoothly.

Why Choose Mediation for a Prenup?

Premarital mediation allows both future spouses to sit down together and reach agreements, instead of one going to an attorney to draft up something potentially one-sided, and the other party having to get their own attorney who will respond and negotiate back and forth. I find that, especially when one spouse is hesitant, that the traditional legal process does nothing to help alleviate their concerns. However, when both parties come together to a mediator, they feel like the process is more collaborative and positive for everyone involved.

If you find that the conversation has stalled, or you aren’t able to answer their questions and concerns, it can be useful to pause and seek professional advice.

Every couple and situation is different, but the key to approaching your fiancé is to have the conversation with understanding, open-mindedness and a focus on collaborative communication. Make sure you are patient, listening actively to their concerns, and express a desire to find a solution that will work for both of you.

Reach out to us at West Coast Family Mediation to assist you with all of this, starting with a consultation with a trained mediator.

By: Amanda Singer, Esq., MDR, CDFA®

Amanda Singer with west coast family mediation center

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