As the weather starts to get cooler and all schools are finally back in session, it’s important to think about some fall strategies for San Diego co-parents.
Back to School Schedule Planning for San Diego Co-Parents
Even though school has already started, if you haven’t done so already, we encourage coparents to sit down together and review the school calendar, so you know when there are holidays, parent-teacher conferences, and half-days.This way, you’re not scrambling last-minute when you realize your child has a half-day on a random Wednesday. You won’t have to stress about work meetings conflicting with your parenting time. Talking through those days ahead of time can help reduce stress and conflict for the whole family. Additionally, although it may seem far away, Thanksgiving (and other winter holidays) will be here before we know it, and the sooner you clarify any holiday schedules, the better. It can also be helpful to print out a copy of the calendar and put it somewhere in your home where you and your children can see it, especially for older children.
Improving Co-Parent Communication This Fall
With less routine and more flexibility in the summer, you might find that your communication is less regular. Effective co-parenting in San Diego requires short, consistent updates, whether that’s via email, a co-parenting app, or shared calendar notes, which can help reduce miscommunication. Fall is a great time to “reset” and adopt some better tools for communication if your summer chaos exposed weaknesses and you find you and your co-parent are arguing more often. Additionally, you may find that you want to include some age-appropriate communication:
- Ages 5-8: Use simple language about schedule changes. “This week you’ll do homework at Mom’s house on Tuesday and Dad’s house on Thursday.”
- Ages 9-12: Involve them in calendar planning. Show them the family schedule and explain any changes together.
- Ages 13+: Help them identify, understand and express their emotions about increased responsibilities and changing routines.
Supporting Children Through Seasonal Transitions
Transitions can be hard for children (they’re even hard for adults!), and shifts from summer freedom to school structure can heighten stress, which can be compounded by a new grade in school that brings its own changes and challenges. Maybe your child is now in middle school and instead of 10 minutes of homework they have an hour or two of homework. Research shows the best thing parents can do to help kids cope is to let them know that any emotions they have are okay, especially during the challenging back-to-school transition period. You can support them emotionally while maintaining clear San Diego co-parenting communication with your ex-partner about homework schedules and responsibilities. It’s important to acknowledge that transitions can be tough and offer extra patience when needed. For the upcoming holidays you can also encourage shared traditions (assuming you and your coparent can do that) or at least communicate about things like costumes, parties and family gatherings so that the children never feel like they must “choose” between their parents. Additionally, you might find that while they seem fine at home they’re struggling at school so communicating with their teachers can go a long way to making sure nothing gets missed. You should watch for these adjustment warning signs: sudden grade drops or teacher concerns, changes in sleep patterns or appetite, increased defiance or withdrawal at transitions or complaints of stomach aches or headaches before school. When you notice these signs communicate immediately with your co-parent and consider involving school counselors.
Health and Wellness Coordination
Many San Diego co-parenting families find success by scheduling their children’s annual checkups either around their birthday, or around back to school since often they may need updated vaccines or sports physicals. Effective San Diego coparenting includes coordinating your children’s healthcare needs so one parent isn’t doing it all can ease any difficulties. Additionally, while summer may have brought more screen time and mealtime flexibility, children thrive with consistency. Consider coordinating bedtimes and homework routines between both San Diego homes or even creating similar “homework stations” in both houses if possible. Lastly, sharing information about how the children are doing with the other parent during transitions or through your coparenting app can help with consistency.
Managing Fall Finances
Fall can bring increased expenses, whether that’s back-to-school items, extracurricular fees or holiday costs and gifts, making sure that each parent knows what they’re paying for and what to expect in the coming months is important. Also, it can help for you and your coparent to have a conversation around gift expectations, both for the parents and extended family can help avoid over-spending or competition between the households. San Diego divorce mediation can help establish clear financial agreements if you don’t have them already.
Fall symbolizes transition, and though here in San Diego we don’t get to see the leaves change or feel the temperature changes like they do in other parts of the country or even California, it can be a good opportunity to reset San Diego coparenting approaches and build in flexibility where it’s needed. Successful San Diego co-parenting requires ongoing effort and communication.
When conflicts arise regarding scheduling, communication, or finances, professional mediation can be a valuable resource. West Coast Family Mediation specializes in helping San Diego families create workable co-parenting solutions. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and start building a more peaceful co-parenting relationship.