Summer vacation is supposed to be a time for rest, reconnection, and making memories with your children. But for many co-parents, vacation season can quietly become one of the most stressful times of year. Travel plans, competing schedules, last-minute requests, and unspoken expectations have a way of turning what should be an exciting time into a source of real conflict.
In my mediation practice, I’ve seen this play out more times than I can count — not because co-parents don’t care, but because the communication systems that work reasonably well during the school year simply aren’t built for the complexity of summer or holiday travel. The good news is that a few intentional habits can make an enormous difference. Here are three tips I consistently share with co-parents navigating vacation season.
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Communicate Clearly, Early, and With Room to Respond
Vacation planning is not the time to rely on last-minute texts. The earlier you can initiate conversations about travel plans, the more room there is for questions to be asked, logistics to be worked out, and — if needed — for your co-parent to raise concerns without feeling blindsided.
“Early” looks different depending on your situation and the agreements you made previously (if you have ones). For a long international trip, weeks of advance notice is reasonable. For a long weekend, a few days of lead time may be sufficient. What matters is that your co-parent isn’t learning about a vacation plan the same week it’s happening. That kind of timing, even when unintentional, can create distrust and defensiveness that bleeds into everything else.
If you and your co-parent have already established guidelines around travel notice, those agreements should guide the conversation. Additionally, the necessary communication with your co-parent will always depend on whether you’re asking and expecting them to make changes to their time with the children or if it’s just informing them of your plans to be out of town with the children during your parenting time.
Clear communication also means sending the right information. Travel dates, destination, who you will be staying with, emergency contact numbers, and any impact on drop-off or pick-up schedules should all be included up front. Don’t assume the other parent will ask if they need something — give them what they need to feel informed.
And once you’ve shared the plan, give your co-parent time to process it before expecting a response. Just because you’ve been thinking about this trip for three months doesn’t mean they have. A reasonable window might be 24 to 48 hours for a straightforward request, or longer if significant rescheduling is involved on their end. Pushing for an immediate answer, or interpreting silence as obstruction, tends to escalate tensions that didn’t need to exist in the first place.
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Put It in Writing
Verbal conversations about vacation plans can be a good starting point — but they’re rarely enough on their own. Memories are fallible, often each of you remember things differently and in co-parenting, misremembering what was agreed upon can quickly escalate into accusations of bad faith.
Documenting your communications doesn’t mean preparing for a legal dispute. It means building a shared record that both of you can refer to if there’s ever any confusion. For many co-parents I work with, a simple follow-up email after a conversation is enough. But for those who find disagreements about ‘what was said’ coming up regularly, a co-parenting app — something like TalkingParents or OurFamilyWizard — can be a great place to track agreements. These platforms log all communication in a neutral, timestamped format that removes ambiguity from the equation.
If you prefer to communicate by text or email, make a habit of following up a conversation with a brief written summary. Something as simple as “Just to confirm what we discussed — I’ll have the children from July 5th through the 12th, and I’ll drop them off at your place by 6pm on the 12th” can prevent a lot of frustration later.
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Keep the Focus on Your Children
When vacation communication gets tense — and sometimes it will — the most grounding question you can ask yourself is: What actually serves my children here?
It’s easy for conversations about schedules and travel to quietly shift from being about the children to being about what feels fair, what’s technically within your rights, or what the other parent did last summer. Those feelings are understandable. But they rarely lead anywhere productive.
I was working with a couple who was having a conversation about how long the children could travel with each of the parents and one parent was intent on being able to take a two (2) week vacation with their two children who were 5 and 7 at the time and never spent more than three days away from one parent normally. Then the conversation devolved into that parent being upset they weren’t going to get to have their children spend two weeks with their parents who lived out of state. They felt that wasn’t fair. I reminded them that we should take a step back and think about whether the children would be able to do two weeks away from one parent. That moment completely shifted the conversation. We were able to discuss ways in which the other parent could join for part of the travel so the children could experience two weeks with the grandparents and not be away from one parent for that long.
Children don’t need perfect co-parenting. What they do need is to feel that both of their parents are trying — that their vacation time isn’t a bargaining chip, and that the adults in their lives can work things out without making them feel caught in the middle. When you anchor your communication in what your children actually need, rather than in what feels justified in the moment, it has a way of cutting through a lot of noise. And more often than not, it makes the conversation easier for everyone.
Want more information on how to prepare for summer? Contact our team and schedule a free initial consultation.