It’s a new year, and for many people, that can mean a change in their relationship or marital status as they go through a separation or divorce. Most people don’t associate a New Year’s divorce with a positive outlook, but it doesn’t have to be a nightmare. And before you think I’m crazy and that divorce could never be positive, consider the ways you can shift this perspective in the new year.
Give Yourself Time
Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your marriage. Most people never expected to be in this position and thought “till death do us part” meant that. It’s normal to be upset and take the time to grieve your marriage and what you had that is no longer there. There isn’t a “right” amount of time to grieve; that’s going to look different for everyone. Give yourself that time, and then let yourself move forward without getting stuck in the grief. Working with a therapist and/or a divorce coach can be a great way to address this.
Think About the Positive
Allow yourself to focus on the positive side of your divorce. While it might be difficult initially to see anything good from what’s happening to your marriage and life, as I tell my clients, there will always be something positive, even if you don’t see it now. Be grateful for what you do have and consider the positive things that lie ahead. Whether that’s trying something new, going on a trip your spouse never did, or simply having the freedom to make your own decisions, thinking about the positive aspects of your divorce can help you feel better about the process.
Surround Yourself with Support
Understand that it takes time, and surround yourself with the people and relationships you need to navigate your divorce in the best way possible. This can mean friends, family, or strangers, as working with a therapist or divorce coach can be helpful during this time.
Make sure you have the support you need and consider who you talk to about your divorce. There will always be people in your life—friends and family—who just want to gossip and hear everything that went wrong in your relationship. These individuals are often more interested in being “in the know” than genuinely helping you move forward.
Others may constantly want to bash your ex with you, and while venting about your ex with friends can sometimes be helpful, it’s important not to let that dominate your mindset. Complaining about someone can reinforce a negative outlook, and it’s okay to tell your friends you don’t want to discuss your ex or the negative things they’ve done.
Gratitude Above All Else
Think about what you are grateful for in your life. Again, while it might not be easy to focus on the good things happening in your life, research has shown that gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, enjoy good experiences, boost their health, cope with adversity, and build strong relationships. Spending just a few minutes each day writing down three things you’re grateful for can help make your divorce a positive experience and prevent you from staying stuck in negativity. Even when things are less than ideal, I always find at least three things to be grateful for.
Are you thinking about divorce? Did you find this New Year divorce survival guide helpful? Divorce can be done peacefully, together, and without needless conflict. Contact West Coast Family Mediation for a free consultation.
by: Amanda Singer
