Are you considering asking your fiancé for a prenup?
As a San Diego prenup lawyer and mediator, I have some tips on how to go about asking them. I know that this isn’t the romantic conversation or wedding planning that you hope to be having but doing it correctly can ensure that it doesn’t cause more conflict in your life.
If you are getting married and have been thinking about requesting a prenuptial agreement then you may also be thinking about how you ask your fiancé for one. This can be a complicated conversation, especially if you haven’t discussed it with your fiancé before.
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Below are 3 tips on how to talk to your partner about a prenuptial agreement.
Start Early
First off, it’s important to think about and bring up with them early. In California, there are some time constraints around valid prenups, and you don’t want to find out that it’s too late to draft one before you get married or even worse for your fiancé to feel rushed to decide.
Now if you’re already engaged it may be too late for you to consider a premarital agreement, but if you’re not then I would recommend it’s a conversation you have even before you get engaged. When you’re thinking about and talking about marriage if you bring up the idea of a premarital agreement at that time then your partner will already have an idea of what to expect.
If you’re already engaged, that’s alright, just make sure that you leave enough time to have a good conversation with your fiancé and enough time to figure out what prenup lawyer or mediator you’re going to work with for the process.
Focus the Conversation on Benefits for Both People
When you do have the conversation with your partner or fiancé, you’ll want to make sure that you focus that conversation on the benefits that a premarital agreement provides to both of you. If your fiancé thinks that they are going to get screwed over by agreeing to and signing a prenup or that you don’t trust them and only want to protect yourself then they are automatically going to feel very defensive in the conversation.
If you can make sure to focus the conversation on the benefits for both of you, such as communication around expectations and finances early on and how that communication and a premarital agreement can strengthen your marriage then they are likely to feel less worried.
Making sure that they understand that you’re asking for this to benefit both of you will make the conversation seem less one-sided and more collaborative, which is what marriage is all about.
Do Premarital Mediation
As a San Diego prenup lawyer and mediator, I work in two different capacities when it comes to premarital agreements. When I work as a prenup lawyer I am only representing one of the parties to the agreement, either I’m drafting the agreement with my client or I’m reviewing an agreement that has already been drafted. In this scenario, I can only meet with my client individually because I represent them and am only looking out for their best interests, which may differ from what their fiancé’s interests are.
When I work as a premarital mediator, however, I can sit down with both of the parties together, because they are both my clients and from the first consultation able to explain the process and what the agreement will be to both. This allows both of the parties to get on the same page and for the agreement that I draft for them to already encompass things that they have both agreed to.
Then when they take that agreement to their prenup lawyer the process runs so much more smoothly because most of the time the edits are minimal and the parties both feel good with their agreements.
How to Find a San Diego Prenuptial Lawyer and Mediator
Asking your fiancé for a prenup can be a difficult conversation but keeping in mind these tips above will help you have a smoother conversation and premarital mediation with a skilled prenup lawyer and mediator is the best way to go. Contact West Coast Family Mediation today to learn more information about premarital mediation.
by: Amanda Singer
