Ask a Divorce Expert: Q&A with Heather Steer, Divorce Transition Mentors & Split.fyi

heather steer of Split.fyi and divorce transition mentors

Welcome to our series of guest Q&As with divorce experts. As mediators, we often have the opportunity to collaborate with and refer our clients to other talented professionals from various disciplines. We all have a stake in our clients’ well-being, during and after the divorce proceedings.

Meet Heather Steer, the Co-Founder of Split.FYI, as well as a CDFA®, a Financial Coach and a Certified Divorce Coach. She founded her own successful private practice, Divorce Transition Mentors, in Southern California after going through her own divorce and thinking there must be a better support system for the days that you are too emotionally and physically exhausted to face all of the decisions and organizing that the divorce process requires.

Heather is now looking to help more people in a different and bigger way at Split.FYI. Heather and her co-founder, Laila, believe it is time to disrupt the current way that people approach divorce to help individuals and families come through this life transition as financially, emotionally, and physically as possible.

What self-care task do you believe is most important when an individual is going through a divorce?

H.S.: The first thing to know is that self-care is very personal to you. It’s about taking care of the mind, body and soul, but one of the things I think a lot of people have issues with is the idea of, “Oh, you should meditate” or “You should journal, you should do this” – well for some people, that’s not what they want to do. For some people, that’s a wonderful way of self-care. But for other people, it could be:

  • Watching a sunset.
  • Having coffee with a friend.
  • Getting exercise.
  • Coloring.
  • Volunteering.
  • Or, just taking a day off.

…and that’s OK! So, I want everyone out there to think about what it is that fills their cup, what it is that allows them some time, space and energy to rebuild some of the reserves that are depleted during a divorce.

Do what works for you, and make sure you take care of yourself as you’re going through a major life transition.

What type of client do you see? Or, who is your ideal client?

H.S.: I leverage both my Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and Certified Divorce Coach accreditations typically working with the financially less educated spouse. These individuals usually need a strategic thinking partner and emotional support as they are facing their independent financial reality and the work required for the business side of a divorce. I support my clients through financial disclosures and the critical decisions from parenting plans to housing decisions and viable settlement options.

What piece of advice would you offer to a couple going through a divorce?

H.S.: Along with self-care, I have two other things I tell clients at the beginning. One of the best things a person going through a divorce can do is to find a community of people also going through divorce so they will feel less alone, have a place to share and get sound advice from people in similar situations, and have some accountability when needed. Split.fyi has a free support group, called Coffee Talk, every Friday at 9am Pacific on Zoom with people from around the country, as well as Canada and Europe.

The other piece of advice I wish someone had given me during my own divorce is to schedule time for working on their divorce. It is a marathon, not a sprint, and I see too many people physically and emotionally exhausted from carrying the psychological weight of everything that needs to get done over the life of the divorce. I personally became an ostrich and just froze. I would make no progress for weeks sometimes, which made the overwhelm and anxiety due to lack of action worse.

A few tips to help with achieving this are:

  • Schedule time on your calendar and really try stick to the schedule. Split.fyi has a weekly accountability group to hold space for people to do the work that needs to get done (e.g. respond to emails, review documents, organize financials, etc.) Find what works for you and go into that blocked out time with a productive mindset.
  • Set up a separate email for your divorce communication, or set up a rule that emails from your ex and divorce professionals automatically get filed into a folder that you choose when you want to open it. This mitigates the hijacking that can happen when emails are in your general feed, and they are triggering, as well as keeps them in one place for you to look for what needs to get done. You choose when you are ready to open and engage with those communications.
  • For time sensitive issues, tell your divorce professionals how to notify you so that emergent things aren’t left unaddressed.

Can you tell us an interesting fact about you or your business?

H.S.: Despite having gone through my own divorce and supported hundreds of people going through their divorces, I happily remarried this year – and a video about finding love again, featuring us, just went viral this month. Watch the Reel here!


You can learn more about Heather by visiting divorcetransitionmentors.com and splitfyi.com.

Do you have questions about your divorce (and life after it)? West Coast Family Mediation Center facilitates divorce outside of the courtroom environment, helping both parties resolve conflict and move forward. We can also refer you to other trusted practitioners who specialize in divorce. Contact West Coast Family Mediation Center for a free and confidential consultation.

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