One of the hardest things anyone could ever go through is the loss of a child. It puts a strain on all aspects of your life: your identity, your career, and even your marriage. More than 90% of people who have lost a child report difficulties in their marriages through that long grieving process. The grieving process can take years to get through, and it isn’t like you are “over it” after you go through grief. Your life will never be the same, your marriage will never be the same, but it doesn’t have to spell out the end of your marriage or a happy life for either of you.
Communicate Through Grief
There are different types of grievers: intuitive and instrumental. Most often, opposites are together in a marriage. Intuitive grievers feel deep emotions, they may cry a lot, want to talk about their feelings, and feel like the only way to move forward is to have expressive conversations. Instrumental grievers focus more inwardly rather than outward emotional grieving. They may get back to work quickly and find ways to distract themselves in order to move forward. With two types of grievers in the house, an intuitive griever may feel like they can’t communicate with the instrumental griever, feeling resentment towards the lack of emotion. The instrumental griever feels overwhelmed by the intuitive griever’s feelings. It can be a recipe for disaster if you don’t know how to approach this situation.
Understand Each Other and Ask for Help
Grief counseling is one of the best things a couple can do to help protect their marriage. It gives the intuitive griever the ability to talk through deep and serious emotions while allowing the instrumental griever to collect information to reflect upon later. There is nothing wrong with seeking help from a trained grief therapist or counselor.
We have many resources for our clients to help with the loss of a child, as well as offer marital mediation to help work through life’s hardest problems. Call our San Diego mediators at (858) 736-2411 for more information.