For many of us, the idea of needing premarital advice of any kind, goes against the grain of our belief system. We think we’ve met Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful, and true love will lead us down a path of roses. The truth is that none of us are experts at relationships, and there are steps we could take to pave the way for a smooth start to a new relationship.
Mediation might sound like one step too far, certainly at the beginning. After all, most relationships are joyous and optimistic at the start, with dreams of all the better things that are coming in this next chapter of your lives together. Most couples can benefit greatly from mediation, certainly if they are coming from a previous relationship and have children involved. I feel it is crucial to take the time to discuss in depth, exactly how the pieces of the former relationship might best fit into the new one.
Even if you are marrying for the first time, most of us leave too much unsaid, certain that the other person knows exactly how we are feeling. If you’re very lucky, this might be true, but I’d wager that the other person doesn’t always perfectly understand you or the situation. After all, your partner might come from a dysfunctional family and survived despite the odds. They might have no idea how a good relationship and a healthy family dynamic is achieved.
Further, pre-marital counseling or mediation might seem “old fashioned” but I think we might all agree that the divorce rates were lower in the past. So I believe something needs to change and I recommend mediation. What do you have to lose by exploring the options of counseling and mediation? Good communication is the single most effective tool we have in our society for succeeding in our personal and professional worlds.
Imagine the harmony that could develop when starting out with smart, defined choices in your household. You’ve seen those couples, the ones who radiate happiness. Not that I am promising to deliver happiness to your doorstep, but you have seen it yourself when a couple is in harmony, or you’ve envied those parents who don’t seem stressed when directing their children’s activities. It can happen for you too.
At San Diego Family Mediation Center, we have years of experience guiding families in all stages of their relationship, through the necessary communication and process of outlining everyone’s needs in a family. We want to help you begin this process early and help you have a successful marriage.