There may never be a harder conversation that you have when thinking about a divorce. We have many clients that come in to gather information about divorce to begin a conversation. They often ask about how to tell their spouse that they want a divorce. It can be difficult to start that discussion without it leading to a complete conflict blow-out. When clients are contemplating mediation for divorce, the last thing they want to do is make their spouse feel alienated and angry. That is why we have decided to address this issue head-on and provide some guidance on how to tell your spouse you want a divorce.
Be Honest
Trust and respect are built on a foundation of honesty. Even if there were some events in your marriage that were less-than-honest, you could start now. While you may want to gather a bit of information before starting a conversation, it is essential that you don’t hide your feelings or what you are thinking. As soon as you are able, talk to your spouse. If you feel uncomfortable talking about the details, come in for a free consultation with a mediator to discuss the process. Let them know that you are thinking about divorce and discuss your options.
Be Respectful
While divorce sometimes can bring up a lot of emotions, it is vital that you stay respectful. While people can make mistakes in marriage, divorce is more often than not, two-sided. You and your spouse had likely contributed to the problems in the marriage, and you should approach the conversation of divorce with that in mind. Do not discuss issues in the past unless they have to do with getting to a future solution. Don’t name-call or be accusatory. This conversation is all about moving forward.
Be Direct
Don’t dance around and be unclear about what you want to do, if you are set on getting a divorce. We often hear about clients who have been strung-along because their spouse won’t make a clear decision. It is ok not to be 100% sure if you want a divorce, and that should be explored in therapy. However, if you ARE sure but don’t want to hurt your spouse’s feelings, that is when we see problems.
Ask for Their Participation
When trying to figure out how to tell your spouse you want a divorce, and it immediately makes you feel as though you have lost all control. The great part about mediation is that BOTH spouses have equal input on their divorce. Keep this in mind as you approach your spouse. Ask for them to work with you to create a mutually beneficial solution, so you both walk away in better standing than if you litigated your case. If they refuse to participate, you can still obtain a divorce, called a “default.”
Are you searching for how to tell your spouse you want a divorce? Contact West Coast Family Mediation today.