Thriving Through Divorce: How to Self-Regulate Your Emotions

Are you conscious of how you are reacting? When we encounter a triggering stimulus, is it possible to avoid a negative reaction? Are there methods that would help someone figure out how to process their emotions prior to eliciting a response? Emotions can be difficult to control and feel nearly impossible to get a grip on during the divorce process.  If you’re ready to be thriving through a divorce with leveled emotions, you’ve come to the right place. 

Thriving Through Divorce

Don’t Let Emotions Control You

It is not often that we as individuals sit down and work through what causes us to be emotionally reactive. To be able to take a step back and begin thriving through a divorce, we must analyze how and why we react to stimuli the way that we do takes a lot of self-reflection. Research shows that we are not as rational as we think when we make decisions. We tend to let our decisions be influenced by our emotions, which in turn lead to unwanted outcomes or reactions from others.

It is normal for everyone to find themselves unable to manage their emotions every now and then. However, if it is important for you to remain on good terms with your soon-to-be ex-spouse, it is encouraged to attempt the effort.  As a client who may be going through the mediation process with our firm, I cannot stress enough how important it is to be aware of how you are self-regulating your own emotions. The divorce process can and will produce emotions that are continually draining and overpowering. Without awareness of how to self-regulate, it is only natural that unhealthy coping strategies become prevalent.  

The Importance of Processing Your Emotions

Learning how to process your emotions about your divorce and respond with appropriate behavior is essential to one’s well-being. Lack of emotional self-regulation can perpetuate negative emotions and damage your relationships with others. By applying conscious thought to events that prompt you to have strong emotions, you will begin to notice how the adaptation of self-regulation affects the way in which you react. 

Thriving through divorce isn’t always easy, but it is never too late to learn and start practicing self-regulation techniques. A great way to begin practicing daily emotional regulation is to try a few simple self-regulation methods, such as talking with people who support you, meditating, journaling, or even just getting enough sleep. By paying closer attention to negative thoughts that follow strong emotions coupled with practicing mindfulness, you will begin to be able to catch when you feel your self-regulation slipping and correct it accordingly.  

Responding Over Reacting 

At the end of the day, you can really only control the way in which you interact and react to others and your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Sometimes no reaction is better than reacting at all. With time and practice, anyone can take control of their ability to self-regulate in a way that does not take too much effort. As Bryant McGill put so wisely: “Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges. So, relax.”  

There will never be a moment in your life where you cannot take a second to breathe, think, then respond. Take the time, be mindful, and see how wonderfully aware you begin to reflect before you react. Being mindful costs much less than emotional destruction. Contact West Coast Family Mediation Center to schedule a free consultation.

by: Ahsha Mootz

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